Well, shut my mouth.

I woke up this morning after going to bed earlier this morning. Needless to say, I was a bit tired.

My normal Sunday begins in an almost ritualistic manner.  I shlup to the kitchen in my jammies and big soft slippers, get out my french roast pot, my extra-large coffee mug, fill one with coffee and the other with expensive pretend sugar and creamer. Then, as the water bowls, I try to wake up. I’m not always successful.

This morning, when the kettle clicked off, I lifted it from the heater and poured the contents into the pot. Or at least I thought I did. When I looked down, I realized I had poured it into the mug and had ruined the extensive sweet mix.

I did the only thing I could do. I shouted “ShitFart!”

Then I laughed.

I have no idea where the hell that word came from. Now mind you, I can swear with the best of them and because I’m a preschool teacher I have a lot of imaginative, yet harmless, swears including Holy Cats, Cheesy Peesy, and my favorite, Well, Bummer! At home, however, I can make a sailor blush.

Never once have I shouted, “ShitFart!” before today. Normally, “f” word is THE “f” word and as we all know shit floats alone.

Perhaps I’m just easily amused, but I made myself laugh this morning and I now have a new expletive for some character to use.

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I Need a Distraction!

All I need is a little noise and a lot of caffeine.

Over the past few months I’ve been trying to find the perfect place to write. Most of the experts say you should have a spot. It doesn’t have to be a great spot or anything, but it should be THE spot. That spot, they advise, is the place for writing, not for eating or relaxing or chatting or playing video games or reading or the million and one things we can find to do when we are supposed to be writing. When you are in that spot you write and that’s that.

It makes sense, right?  If you have a place that is just for writing, when you are in that place you will write.

Thing is, this doesn’t work for me.

Maybe it’s because until recently I had no place to write. I lived in a small, very small, two-bedroom house with a roommate, a cat, a dog and two televisions. Don’t get me wrong. I loved them all, even the televisions, maybe especially the televisions, but they didn’t make for productive writing. So I did what many a space-deprived writer has done. I went to Starbucks.

High on caffeine and distracted by the people I watched pretty damned shamelessly, I wrote. I wrote a lot. And all the time I kept saying to myself, if only I had my own workspace, imagine how much I’d get done. By the way, if you are going to say things to yourself, do it INSIDE your head. I had to change Starbucks twice before I learned that rule.

Then I inherited a three-bedroom condo. Finally, I had the work space I’d always dreamed of. I had a den. My den had a beautiful, old fashion desk with room to spread out. It had shelves on which to put my books. It had a comfy chair in which to sit and read manuscripts that I was revising. It even had drawers full of pens, pencils and paper.

At last there was nothing to stop me. I would spend every minute that I was not at my day job, writing. I would produce novels, short stories, plays and the occasional greeting card.  I would finally work to my true potential.

Thing is, it just didn’t work for me.

I found myself writing less than I ever had and not liking much of what I was writing. I’ve figured it out though. I need distraction. I grew up with noise. I work with noise. I’ve lived in noise almost all my life. When there is no noise, the quiet is overwhelming and I will do anything to make it stop; hang pictures, play games, sing old Beatles tunes. When, however, I am surrounded by noise, I can just ignore it like I’ve always done, and get on with things.

I no longer try to write in my den, which is now just that nice room upstairs with the great desk. I now write on a tv tray in my living room, usually with a cat draped across my arms and often with the television on. I’m getting so much done.

How about you?  What does it take for you to sit down and write?  Do you prefer to be in a quiet space or to have distractions to actively ignore.  Where do write and when?